Before you start learning and applying effective parenting tips, explore your relationship with your kid afresh. Find if you have any challenges in the relationship.
Here is a wonderful exercise. Take three chairs and do this exercise when you are alone and have around thirty minutes of time without any distraction.
Once you complete this exercise as per the instructions, We are sure you will be a different parent and explore a wonderful relationship with your kid.
Note : To do any exercise, read through each exercise well for a few times to memorize each step, then enjoy it well.
1. Take two chairs and lay them opposite to each other.
Now, sit on any chair. It is your first position;
i.e., the parent sitting on this chair. As a parent, imagine your child is sitting on the other chair before you. Now, explore the relationship between yourself and your child.
Ask yourself the following questions: What is the quality of my relationship with the person sitting before me?
How do I feel in this relationship? What are the challenges that make me feel victim sometimes? Is it behavior or belief, value, or what? Take stock of the situation.
Now get up from your seat and break your state by shaking yourself a bit.
Now, take the seat of your child. It is your second position; the child. Imagine you are that child now. See the world from his eyes. Also, see the parent sitting (in imagination) before you in the chair.
Now explore the relationship from the child’s point of view by asking the same questions –
What is the quality of my relationship with the person sitting before me?
How do I feel in this relationship? What are the challenges that make me feel victim sometimes? behavior, belief, value or anything else?
Take stock of the situation Chances are that you have got some new learning from this point of view first time. You may have felt the point of view of your child today in a different way.
Once again, get up from this chair too. Break your state by shaking yourself a bit.
Now, lay the third chair at a distance where you can see both the chairs. It is your third position; the observer. (See picture)
Now, take this seat, observe and imagine the two persons sitting on their chairs (at 1st position – the parent & the 2nd position, the child) from a detached position.
Explore the relationship by asking these questions:– What is the quality of the relationship between them? How do they feel in this relationship?
What are the challenges that both the people face in this relationship?
Take the stock of the situation from the observer’s point of view.
Now, as you have observed everything in this relationship; now make some advice to the person sitting in the first position (i.e. a parent) as to what the parent should do/change to make the relationship better.
Take time to gather information/advice. Once again, taking the information or advice for the parent, come to chair at position one. (i.e. parent’s position).
Take the seat and imagine you are following and adopting all the instructions that the observer gave to you.
Now leave this position. Come to the second position (the child’s position).
Take the seat of the second position and get integrated with your child. From this position – see the ‘changed parent‘ sitting before you.
Now take stock of the situation as to how the child feels now.
Is he OK now ? If yes, the exercise is over. If no; go to the third position and explore more behavioral or other options for the parent (not for the second position) from the impartial observer’s position and repeat this step till the child on the second position is okay.
Sometimes due to one reason or the other, we create a fixed stand for everything. We try to see things completely logically. But certain things like a relationship have their origin beyond logic. It lies in your emotions. Since emotions are part of the unconscious mind, you need to find the answers by going into your unconscious mind only.
Through this exercise, you view the world from three different points and create flexibility beyond your fixed logic. It touches your emotional threshold a number of times as to when and where to bring about the changes to make the relationship better.